(no subject)

I am completely out of it right now.
On Saturday we got the news that one of our friends died Wednesday in a hospital and that his funeral will be held on Sunday.
We were there.
His death didn’t come unexpected but it was still surprising for everyone.
He was in hospital for a long time so I somehow knew that he wouldn’t make through the spring. But I didn’t thought it would happen two days before his birthday.
Right now I am not able to say how I am feeling.
Of course I am sad but I can’t cry.
Instead I am thinking.

Couldn’t sleep last night because of all the thoughts in my head.
Don’t know but I guess it’s normal to think about life and future in such a situation.
He had so much dreams, he wanted to do a lot of things. But he won’t be able to do them anymore.

I laid awake all night. Thought about my life, my future.
And realized that I have no real plan.
Yeah, I know that there can’t be a plan for life. But sometimes it can’t be that bad to know where you are heading.
But that isn’t the case. That’s the whole problem.
I don’t know where I am heading right now. Have no idea what I will do.

I hate it when I am thinking too much.
I start to worry, start to doubt everything. I debate myself into a crisis.
And that’s something I don’t need now.

Last night I could only stop myself from thinking with watching the “World Championship”-tapes.
That’s one of the few things, which are able to prevent myself from over-thinking everything again and again…

It’s good that I have plans for tomorrow.
I’ll drive a bit; will talk to Jes (I hope) and maybe to Davie, too.
Well, and the tapes are still there.

(no subject)

Talking to Jes was what I needed.
It helped a lot even if it was just for twenty minutes.
We talked about my future plans (still have no real one but I have ideas) and about lots of other things.
I am way more optimistic then I was during the weekend.
I did a lot to keep me occupied today and it worked most of the time.
Even wrote a bit.
And watched Aaron and Ed smiling into the cameras.
Damn, they are cute.

(no subject)

THORPE TURNS UP THE HEAT IN 400 METRE FREESTYLE
18-03-02 | 10:14pm
AUSTRALIAN Superfish Ian Thorpe tonight smashed the Australian all-comers record and narrowly missed his own world record in a stunning opening swim in the 400m freestyle on the first night of finals at the Telstra Australian Swimming Championships in Brisbane. DAVID MASON was poolside for all the action.

( Wow Ian!  )