Sanjara Rai (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
the_milky_way) wrote2002-03-18 12:06 am
the_milky_way) wrote2002-03-18 12:06 am
(no subject)
I am completely out of it right now.
On Saturday we got the news that one of our friends died Wednesday in a hospital and that his funeral will be held on Sunday.
We were there.
His death didn’t come unexpected but it was still surprising for everyone.
He was in hospital for a long time so I somehow knew that he wouldn’t make through the spring. But I didn’t thought it would happen two days before his birthday.
Right now I am not able to say how I am feeling.
Of course I am sad but I can’t cry.
Instead I am thinking.
Couldn’t sleep last night because of all the thoughts in my head.
Don’t know but I guess it’s normal to think about life and future in such a situation.
He had so much dreams, he wanted to do a lot of things. But he won’t be able to do them anymore.
I laid awake all night. Thought about my life, my future.
And realized that I have no real plan.
Yeah, I know that there can’t be a plan for life. But sometimes it can’t be that bad to know where you are heading.
But that isn’t the case. That’s the whole problem.
I don’t know where I am heading right now. Have no idea what I will do.
I hate it when I am thinking too much.
I start to worry, start to doubt everything. I debate myself into a crisis.
And that’s something I don’t need now.
Last night I could only stop myself from thinking with watching the “World Championship”-tapes.
That’s one of the few things, which are able to prevent myself from over-thinking everything again and again…
It’s good that I have plans for tomorrow.
I’ll drive a bit; will talk to Jes (I hope) and maybe to Davie, too.
Well, and the tapes are still there.
On Saturday we got the news that one of our friends died Wednesday in a hospital and that his funeral will be held on Sunday.
We were there.
His death didn’t come unexpected but it was still surprising for everyone.
He was in hospital for a long time so I somehow knew that he wouldn’t make through the spring. But I didn’t thought it would happen two days before his birthday.
Right now I am not able to say how I am feeling.
Of course I am sad but I can’t cry.
Instead I am thinking.
Couldn’t sleep last night because of all the thoughts in my head.
Don’t know but I guess it’s normal to think about life and future in such a situation.
He had so much dreams, he wanted to do a lot of things. But he won’t be able to do them anymore.
I laid awake all night. Thought about my life, my future.
And realized that I have no real plan.
Yeah, I know that there can’t be a plan for life. But sometimes it can’t be that bad to know where you are heading.
But that isn’t the case. That’s the whole problem.
I don’t know where I am heading right now. Have no idea what I will do.
I hate it when I am thinking too much.
I start to worry, start to doubt everything. I debate myself into a crisis.
And that’s something I don’t need now.
Last night I could only stop myself from thinking with watching the “World Championship”-tapes.
That’s one of the few things, which are able to prevent myself from over-thinking everything again and again…
It’s good that I have plans for tomorrow.
I’ll drive a bit; will talk to Jes (I hope) and maybe to Davie, too.
Well, and the tapes are still there.